Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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