do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
My vagina is very pro this idea
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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