my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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