I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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