Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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