I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
