You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
i am craving dick and cupcakes
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
