kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
