you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
