The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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