he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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