he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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