new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
