Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
