My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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