it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
