Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
