i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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