why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
