I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
