our cab driver is having phone sex.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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