Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
