Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
