then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
