Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
