Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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