he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
