You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
