return my video game
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
