I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
