Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
