I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
