I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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