I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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