My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
it's great music for shaving your balls
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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