I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I need a burrito and a hug.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
