Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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