if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The beers last night were like the tears from god
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
