im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
