the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
