No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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