theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
