1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
