You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
