My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
