There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
