the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
