The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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