There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
