Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
