He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
